It's been quiet here, I know. So sorry - like I said in a previous post there is a lot going on "behind the scenes" here, and all of that has taken a lot of my emotional, spiritual, and even physical energy. I have come to the blog most every night meaning to post, but I always find myself too exhausted for words. It isn't that everything is doom and gloom, but there are great joys mixed with great sorrows and stresses right now. Riding the emotional roller coaster is tiring.
To get back in the groove, I decided to do another "Random Post". Here we go!
The Cheapest Therapy. (See above paragraph for necessity of said cheapest therapy.) I just invested what has to be about the best $25.00 of therapy...and it is good for a year! There is a little church about 10 minutes from our house that has a gym with a walking track above it, and for an annual fee of $25.00 I can go and walk anytime I want! Now, you might think that it is strange for someone who lives in the south to look for an indoor walking facility, but you have to remember that my internal thermostat has adjusted to life below the Mason-Dixon line, and if it is below 60, I am generally cold outside anymore. In the heat of the summer when it reaches a smothering 95 degrees, it is nearly unbearable to be outside then either. For $25.00 I can go to the gym and walk away the stress with a good friend of mine who has also wisely invested $25.00 in her personal sanity. Over spring break, I took the boys along one morning and they shot hoops while I walked laps and gave/received "counseling" from my walking partner. It's been a great way to keep my body moving on non-karate days.
Sometimes I Get So Tickled. Do you ever think of something that ends up making you giggle all day long? This just happened last night and has carried over into today. It isn't even that it is particularly hilarious (I started referring to my sister's new Prius as her "Hover Round"...I know...you probably aren't even laughing...she sure isn't...), but sometimes once I start laughing about something I end up tickled about it for days. And I am really, really blessed to have some friends who get about as tickled as I do. I realize that this means my friends are either really hilarious, or we are all pretty lame. Either way, I'm laughing. And that counts for a lot.
My Gram's Hands. The loss of my Gram has created a hole in the universe that doesn't seem to be shrinking. Not a day goes by that I don't ache physically when I think of her, and I still get weepy over the smallest little things. Like today. I was in Cracker Barrel waiting for a friend, and I saw this older woman facing away from me, and her stature reminded me instantly of Grandma Ruth. It took my breath away. And then I look down at this woman's hands, and tears welled up in my eyes. This woman had hands like my Grandma. And I had that moment of realization that I will never be able to hold my Gram's hands again. When we were with her in the hospital as she passed away, I held her hand for awhile. She had beautiful hands. I know that sounds weird, but those were the hands that hugged me. One of the things I wanted of my Gram's after she died was the knitting project she was working on. It is an unfinished lap robe, and what I love most about it is that it is one of the last things her hands touched before she went to the hospital. I miss my Gram's hands.
Sometimes the Greatest Help. Having been through an emotionally and spiritually difficult nearly 6 months has taught me a lot. I realized the other day that one of the greatest lessons I've learned is how to most effectively help people going through their own difficult times. Sometimes the greatest help you can give another person is just to hurt with them. We live in a society that reinforces this (false) idea that all problems can be fixed and that action is always better than stillness. Believe me, I have learned otherwise. I am not bitter or jaded - it is a realization that has brought me a fair amount of freedom and understanding I didn't have before. The next time someone you know is going through the valley of the shadow, you may minister most effectively by just hurting with them. It isn't a cop out, and it most certainly isn't easy. In fact, it can be the hardest ministry you can offer. Writing a check or plotting a course of action is merely a diversion if your heart isn't broken for those in pain. Allow yourself to be wounded with those who are hurting. Shared tears are the healing kind.
Great Movie. I spent this weekend with my dear friend, Ang for our 4th Annual Ann and Ang vacation. We shopped a little, slept a very little, and ate a lot! (We found a pie store. That's all I need to say about that.) We also went and saw the movie, "The Lincoln Lawyer". It was a great movie if you like courtroom thrillers - we both give it two thumbs up! It doesn't crack my top 10 as far as movies go, but it was still well worth the price of admission. (Although I have to say, some day I wish the hero in one of these movies would be anyone other than an iron livered, over drinking, slightly crooked, somewhat questionable character with a wooing, magnetic smile. Can't there be a decent looking, upright, fun-without-tequilla guy who believes in courtship instead of casual sex with his ex? Just a thought.)
I will try...try...to do some more blogging in the coming days. It may be hit or miss, but I will be back no matter how long the silence!