Choking on Quail

One of my favorite books of the Bible is the book of Exodus. I think God has used this book and my age to show me gently (but crystal clearly!) how so like the Israelites I can be. I confess - I used to read the book of Exodus and think smugly to myself, "Oh, those foolish, shortsighted people! Thank goodness I am more faithful, wise, worshipful, obedient, etc. etc.". But in His mercy (and perhaps in His humor), God has brought me to a place where I can see startling parallels between myself and those "faithless, shortsighted" Israelites. How many times has God delivered me, and yet not too long after, I hear myself questioning His ability to lead for His best interest and mine? Whew. Sometimes my spiritual immaturity takes even my breath away!

One of my all time favorite stories from this time in Israel's history is the story of the manna and quail. I adore the story of the manna for a variety of reasons. I find it humorous (and revealing of my own faulty human nature) that is only takes a mere month out of captivity for the Israelites to romanticize their bondage.

Exodus 16:3 The Israelites said to them, "If only we had died by the Lord's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death."

Oh yes, you remember correctly, don't you? After the Israelites finished making all those bricks without straw, Pharoah threw open the doors of the palace and led his slaves to feast at the catered smorgasbord complete with real silverware. (Not even in The Message version, friends.) It is such a human, sinful thing we all seem to do under pressure - we default to the lie that wherever God has brought us to is far worse than wherever we have been, even if where we have been was captivity and bondage. I have to laugh as I read this chapter on the other side of the 28 day detox diet. Oh yes. That was me. On about day 6 when I had reached total capacity for all the curds and whey a person could want but none of the Big Mac cravings had yet subsided, I caught myself thinking, "Seriously? This has to be bunk! I felt GREAT when I ate chick-n-minis with a Dr. Pepper every morning!" Oh my.

Most of us know the story of the manna from heaven, but I love the brief encounter I like to call the "Quail Smackdown". For some reason, as I read through the account of the Israelites in the desert the last few days, I keep coming back to the quail. So tonight I turned to Numbers 11:4-35, and it's like God has decided to remind me of a few truths I may be dancing around in my life. (And you know what they say, conviction loves company or something like that...)

Verse 4: The rabble with them began to crave other food and again the Israelites started wailing and said, "If only we had meat to eat!"

I would love to learn the Hebrew word that translates into "the rabble". They were the hangers-on, the not-quite-on-boards, the we'll-hang-with-you-all-but-it-better-not-get-messy folks who followed the Israelites out of Egypt. These folks probably didn't have a long history or relationship with the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, but were duly impressed with the sights and works of this God back in Egypt and so they tagged along. Ah, the dangers of "the rabble". I am not sure what I am more afraid of - that I am being influenced by the rabble around me or that (gulp) I am "the rabble" to another believer. I am learning that it is probably best to keep maturing, Godly people in my most inner circle so I am not easily swayed by the rabble who mumble and mutter distrust or dissent when it comes to the ways of the Lord. I am also learning that the best way to ensure I am not a stumbling block to someone else is to keep my mouth shut more. Not easy, but when push comes to shove, who wants to be lumped in with "the rabble"?

After hearing the folks groan, Moses approaches God and pours out an overwhelmed heart.

Verse 13-14 "Where can I get meat for all these people? They keep wailing to me, 'Give us meat to eat!' I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me."

Can I tell you how often I feel like Moses, and I only have two children I'm overseeing? More often than I want to admit, I have felt as if the burden of raising a family is too great for me, especially on the days when the boys look at me as if I am just plain lousy at making their lives OK. Oh Moses, I hear you! The wailing, the whining, and all the while you (and I!) both know these folks are getting more than they need! While God is angry (exceedingly angry it says in verse 10), God hears Moses and instructs him to bring 70 elders to share the burden. And then God and Moses address the issue of the meat.

Verses 18-20 Tell the people: 'Consecrate yourselves in preparation for tomorrow, when you will eat meat. The Lord heard you when you wailed, 'If only we had meat to eat! We were better off in Egypt!' Now the Lord will give you meat, and you will eat it. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, ten or twenty days, but for a whole month - until it comes out of your nostrils and you loathe it - because you have rejected the Lord, who is among you, and have wailed before Him, saying, 'Why did we ever leave Egypt?'

Now I understand that a lot of people just like to focus on the sweet, loving God who sent His son to be all swaddled up in soft, sweet smelling hay. But I have to say, I find huge comfort in the quail smackdown God lays out. "You want meat? Oh, I'll GIVE you meat! It's gonna come out your nose, I'll give you so much meat!"

It both blesses and terrifies me when I see how God handles the meat whining, because I can see how this very same dynamic has worked in my own life. When I decide that I desire something other than the good things God has faithfully provided out of His glorious riches, I always end up gorged and loathing in the end. God knows what I need. God knows that what He gives is best. But if I want to try and satisfy somewhere else, He will allow it - with disastrous results every time. Can you imagine if Dr. Holistic had told me, "You want McDonalds? OK, I'll give you McDonalds! Eat it for every meal for 28 days." I can assure you, by day 10 I would be begging for organic, all natural greens and a colon cleanse. When it comes to God, the same principles apply. Faithful obedience or disaster. There is no option "C".

Lately, I've been trying to be more aware of when I am whining for quail instead of faithfully gathering my daily bread. I'll be honest, there are aspects of my life that I wish were more glamorous. I have moments when I want to pursue things that aren't God's plan for my life right now. I have been known to cry out, "God, I want _____! Why can't I have _____?", and while I think it is acceptable to pour my heart out to God, I hope I can remember to always do that with His glory and not my needs as my priority.

God is so good. He gives me my daily bread. And I deeply desire a heart that is so thankful and obedient that I avoid choking on a month's worth of quail.

Pictures by Aly

My friend Aly is an amazing photographer, and she is a good enough friend to get a text from me Friday night and take some fantastic family pictures Saturday afternoon! :)

One of the things we have to do for the hosting program is write a brief (1/2 page) letter to our hosted child introducing our family and include with that two pages of pictures of our family and home. The goal is to give the children a glimpse of what they are walking into (although who can summarize the Kimmel mayhem in a few short paragraphs?). The letters are delivered shortly before the children travel and sometimes they aren't opened until the children arrive at their departure airport!

The only problem with this assignment was that the only recent picture I had of our family was from the Halloween party where I was dressed like a witch, Mark dressed up in his paintball gear, Jude was a Ninja, and Cal was Wolverine. Not. So. Much. So a quick (and slightly frantic!) text to Aly...and voila! Two days later some gorgeous family pictures for Inessa!

Here are a few of the shots Aly got. I'm telling you - that girl has a gift. Thanks, Aly!

Decisive Under Pressure

That's what I want to be.

I had this sudden realization today after a week of frustrating parenting. Yes, the things the boys do annoy or frustrate me, but the real frustration is that in the moment, I feel unsure of what to do. We had a great groove going with the boys until I got sick, and it seems like we have been struggling to get back on track ever since. I had a good idea of where we were headed and how to get there with the boys, but once I got so tired, I tended to defer to the path of least resistance, and I'm afraid I'm still stuck somewhere in that murky haze.

I am not a decisive person by nature - just ask anyone who has said the phrase "Where do you want to go eat?" to me. Inevitably, my answer is "Oh, I don't care. You pick. Just not Mexican." (Even I can scrape together one food boundary.) I am just not decisive in the moment. And in the moment with a child who is melting down, pestering, or arguing is not a good time to mull over and decide on effective parenting strategies.

It struck me last night while watching Band of Brothers - I would be a lousy soldier, and an ever worse commander (and not just because I don't like lifting heavy things). I could never, ever make wise decisions under the pressures of combat. Heck, I buckle under the mere pressure of the quivering lip. My dream of being a middle linebacker is in jeopardy because at this point I would be stuck at mid field while the play unfolds around or behind me still frantically deep in thought, "Pass or run? Pass or run?"

I don't think this is a fatal flaw, but I do think this is something I am going to be intentionally working on in the next few weeks. I told Mark tonight that I want to think through a big picture parenting plan and put together some skills to walk that out in the short term. Hopefully when I have a strategy already in place, I won't buckle while in mommy combat.

If this is a war, I really want to win it.

Get Comfy, It's a Long and Rambling One!

I have several drafts for blog posts started, but I can't seem to get through one topic until I get the itch to switch to another, more pressing topic. (And by "more pressing" I mean a blog post on how exciting it was that my Halloween witch make-up washed off easily...) I am struggling to complete one coherent blog post, so in the spirit of "this is my blog, and I can do whatever I want", I'm just going for yet another random blog post.

Here we go.

My Health. I've had several people ask me recently about my health, so let's go there first. I must confess openly here though that blogging about my health is much more about meeting a need in me than about conveying any information to (both) readers. After several years of life being dominated by my health (or lack thereof) I struggle giving the topic of my health even one iota of attention, but no matter how long I get away with ignoring the issues, the issues don't always take the hint and go away. So this next paragraph to two is honestly about me processing through where I am at with my health, and if you are remotely interested in what's up you may get the scoop as well. (But watching paint dry is about as interesting...really...)

I have to preface everything by saying that overall, I am better than I was two years ago. Much, much better. When I get discouraged or frustrated, I always try to find my way back to that point, because no matter how many pills I have to take or how many shots I give myself, the bottom line is that hope is my greatest medicine. As hard as it is to look back (and as hard as it is to actually remember - I was so exhausted I actually don't remember long periods of time), I know I need to think about those days when I couldn't get out of bed or when my greatest accomplishment was being able to sit at the table through a meal with the boys. I couldn't vacuum, I couldn't walk Calvin into preschool, I couldn't drive. It was INSANE. To most people, I live a fairly "normal" life these days. Of course, the life I lead has been greatly modified over the last two years, but even that is a blessing in many ways. But lately, as I have gotten pretty hard core on getting rid of the "funk" in my system, I am feeling really, really OVER IT. Yet no matter how OVER IT I am, the reality is I must still be focused ON IT. I have to be diligent with taking all my pills, I have to be mindful of everything I eat, I have to step away from activities I love to preserve my immune system. I want this to be a thing of the past, and when I get out of my whiny mode long enough, I can see the big picture and I realize that I am on the right track and I am learning a better way to live and live well. But, man! Some days I want to be the mom who functions just fine on Big Macs and vanilla Dr. Peppers!

The upside of all the health mess is that I have a great doctor working with me (Poor Dr. Holistic. I am the patient that says out loud everything his other patients filter out before speaking, but somehow despite my crappy health and brutal honesty, we always end up laughing through our appointments. A doctor I can laugh with? Now that's good medicine!), and I have learned an incredible amount about my body and what it actually needs. My desire for health is greater than ever. I am hopeful, but it is soooooo uphill. And sometimes I need to set down the Susie Sunshine basket and whine.

Whine over. (Picking up my basket of sunshine and trudging along again...)

My Dinner Party You know that cliche getting-to-know-you question about who you would most want to invite to a dinner party? For some reason I have been pondering this lately. (Must be all the Good Housekeeping Christmas Hospitality books I've been checking out of the library...) I decided to exclude the "dead" part of the "living or dead" criteria - because after all, who wants a corpse at the dinner table? - and now I am just so committed to one day having my ideal dinner party. I get that it may be a long shot, but come on - a girl's gotta dream, right? So here is my list of most desirable dinner guests:

1. Tony Dungy. I cannot think of any person in football with whom I would most want to spend a few hours in conversation. First of all, he is an absolute genius when it comes to the game. Second, he is THE authority (in my mind) on the art - and it is an art - of motivating players. Finally, he is a man of God who gets it. No matter how successful he became, he always seemed able to keep life in proper perspective - God, family, football. (Just like my priorities.) I love that he has reached out to Michael Vick and is just as committed to mentoring the average man as he was to mentoring great talents in football. He is the real deal.

2. Laura Bush. Don't get me wrong, I have this dream of inviting both Laura and W. for dinner sometime, but when push comes to shove around a small dinner table, I went with Laura. Why? Because I think there is a ton of wisdom to be found in a woman who probably spent a good amount of time wanting to vehemently defend her husband, but remained an absolute lady. Now there's a skill I could use a bit of coaching in.

3. Mandisa. For any of you who may not know her, Mandisa is one of the most amazing singers EVER and coincidentally, my imaginary best friend. (Don't be creeped out.) She is a gifted Christian artist, and yet she seems to have a great sense of humor. I can hang with funny people. In fact, I prefer them.

4. Col. Glenn Frazer. (I can hear you grumbling, dear friends!) If you know me, you know my passion for all things WW II, especially one Col. Frazier who I have blogged about numerous times before. The WW II generation has so much wisdom - not contrived ideals, but walk-it-out-the-hard-way wisdom of which my generation and my boys' generation could stand a big, fat dose. I could sit for hours and listen to a WW II veteran talk. Shame on me for not doing it.

Of course, I would throw in a few of my dear girlfriends to keep the conversation lively!

Who would you invite to your dinner party?

How is it possible Dennis Miller got chased out of the MNF booth, and yet I have to sit here and endure Jon Gruden using phrases like, "I was never so stimulated than when..." *awkward cricket chirping silence* Where are Frank, Al, and Dan when you need them?!?

Hosting! We are a mere six weeks away from Inessa coming! Whoa! I am so passionate about the hosting program through New Horizons. (You already know that though, right?) I have heard a few misconceptions about the hosting program in recent conversations, and I wanted to chat about some of them here.

"Oh, I know someone who hosted a foreign exchange student once too..." This is not a foreign exchange program. Sure, some of the practical goals of NHFC seems similar to hosting a foreign exchange student - it is our hope that Inessa will gain fluency in English and enjoy experiencing our culture, but those things are just a means to a bigger end with the hosting program. Gaining language skills develops self esteem for these children, and these are children who have lived lives of more rejection and loss than most of us can even imagine. For some, this program is the first time they have been chosen or special...ever. NHFC is more about what happens inside our front door and in our hearts than the sights we can show Inessa outside that door. Yes, in some ways this is like hosting a foreign exchange student, but in many ways, it is so much more.

These kids are just like foster kids here. Yes. And no. And yes. But sort of no. There are some unique challenges for both foster kids in the U.S. and the children available for hosting. Most of them have emotional (and some physical) baggage - lots of it. Most of them would benefit greatly from the love of a stable, structured family. But what that looks like walked out may be more different than you think. While I have a lot of learning to do about foster children and the foster care system in the U.S., it is a little like comparing apples and oranges when debating which group has the harder road or the greatest need. We have been asked why we don't just provide foster care for children here. There are some very specific reason at this stage in our family life why we feel better equipped to host. (Maybe someday I'll tackle that subject more in depth in another blog post...) In the meantime, we are passionate about hosting. Unapologetically passionate!

I don't know what our experience with Inessa will be like. I could never have predicted what this past summer with Sintija would be like, neither the joys nor the challenges. We were well trained to host, but somewhere between the cognitive training and the commitment to care, God does some frightening and unexpected heart work. So we are praying, every day. We pray that God would prepare Inessa and that He would prepare us. For what, we have no idea.

Whew. If you read this far, you are a real trouper! Like I said, I have struggled with blogging lately so maybe this long blog post will pave the way for more succinct, focused entries. I make no promises, but I sure will try!

Seeking "Secret Suitcase Angels"!!!!!

This Christmas, our family is hosting Inessa, an 11 year old girl from Latvia through New Horizons for Children, an orphan hosting ministry! Inessa will spend four weeks with our family from mid-December through mid-January, and we are excited to show her God's love and the love of a family while she is with us!

Most of the children who participate in the hosting program come to their host families with the clothes on their backs - literally. As a part of the program, each family prepares and packs a 26-28" suitcase with clothes, small gifts, shoes, and basic daily toiletries to send back with each child. I will never forget the moment this summer when Sintija realized that all the clothes, shoes, puzzles, hair accessories, and gifts were HERS to take back to Latvia with her. She spent a half hour circling her room here, holding up each packed item one at a time, and asking incredulously, "Me? Latvia? Yes?" Sending her home with that suitcase blessed her in ways I still don't fully understand.

This Christmas we are seeking a few "Secret Suitcase Angels" to help us bless Inessa with a suitcase of clothes, shoes, small gifts, and necessities to take back to Latvia with her! We are required to send 2-3 winter outfits, 2-3 summer outfits, underwear, socks, shoes, a bathing suit, winter coat, hat, scarf, and gloves, a photo album, journal, and gifts for her caregivers. We have been blessed to received some of these items already through donations, and once we know Inessa's size when she arrives we will finish our shopping.

We are looking for 10 people to be Inessa's Secret Suitcase Angels by donating just $10 each. With the donations we have already received, we believe $100 can finish filling Inessa's suitcase!

You can donate securely online by visiting: http://www.active.com/donate/2009Christmas/KimmelsHostInessa

$10 may not seem like much, but it can become a huge blessing for a beautiful 11 year old girl!

This Moment

I am having one of those evenings you dream about when you visualize the life stage I'm in.

Jude and Cal and I spent time after school snuggling together and watching PBSKids, then Mark brought home McDonalds (Hip, hip, hooray for not having to cook!), Jude worked on his homework without complaining, we played Bingo and read books, and now that they are in bed, Mark and I are reading in the living room with the TV off and the fireplace going.

I love my life. Sigh.

What Are the Odds?

Just catch a snippet of Rod Stewart on Jay Leno.

He sings, "If you like my body and you think I'm sexy, come on sugar let me know." and I have to wonder...

What are the odds that one (forget about both!) of those "ifs" could actually be true when sung by Rod Stewart??

Slim to none, I'd say.