As Mark and I have talked and prayed about the future of our family, we are faced with some big decisions. It isn't so much the decisions that stress me out, it is the trying to discern what God wants us to do that causes my struggle.
In the Bible God revealed His messages through various means - a still, small voice, a hand writing on a wall, a flash of light and an audible voice, dreams. I confess here and now, I am really pulling for the audible voice, because with all of the emotional and spiritual toll of the last few months, I worry I won't be able to recognize His prompting through the very delicate healing happening. It is also hard to trust our ability to follow Him, because...well, we thought we did and it didn't end up "successful" by the world's standards. I don't doubt that we were doing what was right. I just don't understand why God led us to the outcome He did.
We still have hope, we still have joy, but we also have wobbly faith legs right now. We don't want to delay when He needs us to go, and we don't want to go when His perfect timing needs to be lingered over. We feel a bit frozen, and although it very well may be God's plan for us to wait, I worry that we are pausing because of fear more than discernment.
Tonight I pray for peace and wisdom. I pray I will recognize God's hand on our lives. I pray faith would overcome fear. I pray that somehow, we will know.