...and don't tell anyone my butt looks big!
This is a great quote from my dear, wise, and absolutely hilarious soul sista, Ang, but it perfectly sums up where I'm at right now. (Mostly the first part, but the second part should go without saying...)
In the last three days I have developed a much deeper hatred, yet appreciation for the cunningness of the Enemy. I was raised Lutheran, so I am genetically predisposed to shake off most of the "Boo! Satan!" stuff, but over the last few days I have to stop and give him props where props are due. But he better enjoy the fun while it lasts. Because he is going to have to stop. And I mean NOW.
Over the last few months, our faith has been tested beyond anything I could have imagine. (Let's face it - if I could have imagined it, I would have RUN!) I am not going to lie and tell you that God has replaced all the sadness and difficulties with sunshine and rainbows. But even in our rough, rough, and I do mean rough moments, God has been able to keep the fragile pieces from falling apart and shattering into dust. It may not sound like much to you, but those moments have been as close to holy as I've ever experienced. It has not been pretty. But it's been God's gentle hand cradling the bruised and battered remnants of my heart. He tenderly holds and heals.
So what has Satan done now that his initial attempt is being redeemed by the hands the cross couldn't hold? Something so mean, I didn't even see it coming.
He reminds me over and over again that I should be afraid.
He whispers that I am not healed yet...and may never really be.
He paralyzes me by pointing out I might get hurt again.
He asks me why I haven't learned my lesson.
The worst part is that it took me until tonight to recognize what's been going on. I was suddenly able to give words to this awful heaviness I have felt over the last few days. I could suddenly state the fears that were plaguing me. I gotta tell you, I was shocked at how good Satan has played me. While I don't know what God has in store for our family, I suddenly realized that standing still, going nowhere...ever again...is probably not it.
So tonight I am telling Satan to go away. Shut up. (Or "be hushed", as my mom would like me to say.) Get thee behind me Satan! (And my butt looks fine, thank you very much.)