This morning I took a good first step in getting back to "normal" life - the boys and I went to church. I've been laying really low since we got back from Latvia. Some of that is because I am emotionally and physically tired, and part of that is because it is too hard to see people I know or don't know who say or do something innocently that reminds me of our loss. You would be amazed how many little things can trigger a soul ache.
But this morning I knew it was time to step back in the loving arms of my church community. One of the delicate lines to walk is to be able to give the boys what they need when I feel like an empty reservoir most of the time. But I knew they were missing their church buddies and having that place where they fully belong, and it was time for Mark and I to share our hearts with people who will love us. I was pretty nervous, mainly because I hadn't seen anyone from there and because every knew what had happened. And I didn't know if I wanted to talk about it or not. I didn't know if I would laugh or cry or feel numb.
It was actually great. People just loved me. I laughed a little, cried a little, talk about it some, and didn't talk about it other times. I just was what I was, and it felt nice to be OK being whatever I was. I am so glad we went, and I am glad I have such an amazing place to go for my first step into "re-entry".
But this morning I knew it was time to step back in the loving arms of my church community. One of the delicate lines to walk is to be able to give the boys what they need when I feel like an empty reservoir most of the time. But I knew they were missing their church buddies and having that place where they fully belong, and it was time for Mark and I to share our hearts with people who will love us. I was pretty nervous, mainly because I hadn't seen anyone from there and because every knew what had happened. And I didn't know if I wanted to talk about it or not. I didn't know if I would laugh or cry or feel numb.
It was actually great. People just loved me. I laughed a little, cried a little, talk about it some, and didn't talk about it other times. I just was what I was, and it felt nice to be OK being whatever I was. I am so glad we went, and I am glad I have such an amazing place to go for my first step into "re-entry".
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