Monday, August 17, 2009

In Search of My B.H.A.G. (bee-hag)

That's the question I have been wrestling with for awhile now.

To clarify - a B.H.A.G. is a "Big, hairy, audacious goal" and the lingo comes to you thanks to our senior pastor back in Cincy at VCC. We started attending that church long enough after "B.H.A.G."'s linguistic incorporation to miss the explanation, but shortly enough after to still hear "B.H.A.G." used with frequency and fluency. Finally, one day I had to ask, and once I learned what a B.H.A.G. was, something about the idea of having one stuck.

I am a big proponent of the personalized Bucket List, but having a concrete BHAG has alluded me thus far. Being BHAG-less hasn't always bothered me - in fact, I hardly noticed my lack of one until recently. (Note: Having a teenage orphan from Latvia for the summer will bring up all sorts of "stuff" if you aren't careful...) I don't know if this is some sort of post-hosting letdown or if I am stuck in a futile processing phase or if God is trying to stir my heart and I am just totally missing it.

I am having a hard time adjusting back into "normal" life. Trust me when I say, you can't hang out with Sintija for that long and just slip back into "normal". I was talking with one of the hosting coordinators and when it came time to summarize our experience all I could come up with was a 90's hair band inspired "Our world has been rocked". For someone who likes words so much, I knew I fell short on that one.

So back to the BHAG. Loving Sintija from halfway around the world is going to be a part of our lives forever now. And I feel so blessed by that. But in the vacuum her departure has left me with, there is now room for a BHAG. No ordinary BHAG will do. I worry that I won't be able to feel passion about the easy, comfortable things I used to. I worry that pursuing a God-inspired BHAG will bring more growing pains than I'd can handle with grace. I worry that God is going to give us a really out there BHAG and we'll become known as "that weird family". (I know what you're thinking and that's just mean...)

But most of all, I worry that I will eventually get comfortable again and lose my desire to whole heartedly pursue a God ordained BHAG.

Suddenly nothing is more frightening to me than doing nothing at all.

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