Yesterday at church I just totally pooped out. Laid down on the floor and couldn't get up. (And yes, if I wasn't feeling so badly I would have done a dramatic re-enactment of that commercial, "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!") Ended up at the ER and they ran lots and lots of tests - many I have already had, but some new and terribly fun (please read "fun" in your most sarcastic tone). It was a little rough. I have just been so worn out. Well, after hours in the ER I was sent home with a boatload of medicine, and no definitive diagnosis yet. All the really scary stuff has been ruled out, but not knowing what is going on specifically and not having a plan for getting my usual activity level and crazy life back can be a huge sense of frustration, especially after all this time.
You know what is funny though? When Mark and I got home last night instead of thinking about what we DIDN'T HAVE (a diagnosis yet or a plan) all we could think about is everything we DID HAVE. Let me share with you what we do have.
* We have friends who jump right in and take care of us. Before I could even get to the ER, my boys were already on their way to our friends' house where there is a pool, video games, macaroni and cheese, and a John Deere tractor. Needless to say, the boys came away from all this fairly unscathed.
* We have more phone messages from people in our Connect Group at church than you can hold on one answering machine. We are in a class of about 70 people. We have been going for over a year, and I still don't know everyone's names. But these people have called and emailed to offer everything from meals to grocery store runs to watching the boys. Now that's community.
* I have people who pray for us. Our pastor's message yesterday was about getting connected in at church - really finding people to do life with you. I am OK with finding people to share my joys with, but for whatever reason, it is harder for me sometimes to open up about my struggles. I have to confess that most people who know me don't really know that I have been this worn out for a few months. But this is teaching me that when people know, people pray. And if I really believe that God hears the prayers of His people, I better allow them to pray with and for me. We send out an email prayer list for our class, and the only time my name was on it for this was when my posse friend wrote it down. Maybe something else I have is too much pride...
* I have a son who, while a fibber, is a creative fibber. While at our friends house, he moseyed on over to their pool and walked right down the steps into the water while wearing his church clothes. When they asked him about it, he nonchalantly replied, "Oh, my mom and dad let me swim in my clothes ALL the time." Now I know he will have to take that to the foot of the cross, but if you are going to fib, at least be creative and maybe make Jesus smile while he forgives you.
* I have seen the best the medical profession has to offer. I know our health care needs some work in this country. We were joking yesterday that I was sipping on a $24 can of Dr Pepper, but I think it was only halfhearted laughter. But let me tell you, I had a nurse who was nothing short of amazing. Christy is everything that is right about medical care. When I have gotten my blood drawn in the past, the most I ever heard from a nurse was, "Make a fist" and "Little pinch" (or in some cases, "Little pinch...oops...little pinch...oops...little pinch again". Christy, my nurse, drew my blood and then showed me every vial and told me what each vial would be tested for. (As an aside I also got to see my husband nearly keel over while she held up the blood - entertainment bonus!) For every test that I had, she explained what would happen, what I might feel like, and what it would tell them. I was also blessed because the ER Dr (also great) listed off all the tests we would do, and I could tell him that my PCP has already done most of them. I have always felt confident that my PCP was on this, and it was reassuring that another Dr thought so too.
* I have a friend who was willing to split her skirt to get Calvin buckled in his car seat. Now that's taking one for the team! Fortunately, I am fairly certain she has a husband who carries an extra pair of "hottie" sweatpants in his man purse to church, so at least she had a change of clothes if need be.
We will hear back in the next few days on some more test results and follow up with a few specialists if need be. I know I will be back to my old (young, hip, not nearly 34 looking) self very soon, but in the meanwhile when I see everything that we do have, I don't feel nearly as stressed about NOT having an answer just yet. I pray it will come, but in the meanwhile I think we really do have everything we need right now. How blessed are we?