My last post outlined a few things I want to do more of in the coming year. Here are a few things on the other end of the spectrum - what I want to do less of in 2013.
Eating because I'm bored. I have this down to an art form, much like my checking out skills. The worst time of day for me is evening (as evidenced by the empty Drumstick wrapper near me) when the kids are in bed and the grown ups have the run of the house. And what wild and crazy things do we grown ups do while visions of sugar plums occupy the children? Yeah. We snack.
I have a few ideas why I do this - one, I can eat whatever I want and I won't be asked to make it for someone else or answer why the children don't get whatever I'm eating. Two, no one is going to reach onto my plate and snatch a bite. You would think that wouldn't happen anymore as I don't have toddlers, but Calvin has these freakishly cat-like reflexes that have him in and out and swallowing before I even realize what just went down. And three, I just plain like food. I am not usually hungry in the evenings, I am just free. I want to eat less and find something better to do with that free time.
Making excuses. This is a big step for a recovering people pleaser. An example of why I need some growth in this area? I volunteered to be the guide runner for my niece who is visually impaired at a 5K this summer. Did I do it to have more time to chat with my niece (who is never dull, FYI) and make some good aunt/niece memories? Nope. I did it because her mom pointed out she can only run as fast as I do, so that takes the pressure off with that whole "keeping up with everyone" thing. Ouch. I want to stop making excuses for myself and my family. I am OK with having to give more apologies as long as I stop feeling the need to make excuses. Making wise decisions without making excuses is one of those areas of growth I usually try desperately to avoid. Meh. Maybe 2013 will be the year of my big girl panties.
Trying to change the things I can't. One thing AA definitely gets right is the Serenity prayer. (I'm not in AA, but I am a big fan. No. That's not me in denial - I don't drink alcohol. Like at all anymore. Really... no need for an intervention, I really don't drink...seriously...oh, never mind.) I have an amazing and blessed life, but boy if I had a magic wand and God's permission how different a few things (people) might look! One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn as an adult is that sometimes a circumstance in life just plain stinks, isn't fair, and should be different - but it's not and wishing don't make it so. I don't want to ever accept injustice, but I do want to remember it's always best to pray and watch God do His work. Everyone will be better off that way. Speaking of prayer...
Praying that God will give me the go ahead for a boob job. OK. Don't judge me. I nursed two babies and nothing is as it once was. I never believed in plastic surgery...until one day I wanted it. (Funny how that works.) I have wrestled at times with asking for a few thousand to "invest" in my body, but I never have a peace about it. I have actually prayed on an embarrassingly regular basis for God to make a way for me to have a little "lift and separate" work done, but He is always consistent in His answer - not while there are 143 million orphans in this world. Dang. Now let me be clear - I don't think that people who have work done are any less spiritual or faithful - I just know that God has been clear with me on this. Sigh. So this year I'm going to turn 40, buy better bras (not at Victoria's Secret for those of you who read about the shopping debacle of Christmas 2011), and stop pestering.
Feel embarrassed. For those of you who know me IRL, this is a hard one to imagine. (See above paragraph and refer to previous use of the phrase "big girl panties".) I have an excruciatingly high tolerance for embarrassment. Things that should and used to make me cringe usually don't phase me or at best make me giggle inappropriately. (For example, the time I walked up to a lady in Kohls, whipped her around by the arm, and exclaimed, "Mom! This dress would match perfectly!" to a woman who was, in fact, not my mother. She was however a sweet Southern version of my mom who seemed slightly taken aback and not terribly interested in engaging with me further when I asked her if she would take me home if I couldn't find my real mother in the store.) While not making excuses for myself or poor behavior (see above!), I just don't want to waste more time on this earth feeling embarrassed especially about things I have no control over. The corollary to this is that I hope to do a lot less embarrassing things in 2013. A girl can dream.
I'm hoping for an inspiring 365 days of less-is-more, wise eating, acceptance of my reality without excuses, and a bra with some serious support. Not too much to ask from a year...right?