I have not quite figured out how to change the blog to a more private setting, so I am going to be pretty vague until I can do that. I absolutely hate the thought of making people log in to read my blog, but I am afraid there aren't many other safe options at this point. (And if anyone has some idea of how to best do that...can you leave me a comment with detailed, easy instructions????)
Grief and love are two of the strongest emotions a person can feel. I am so fortunate - I have been blessed with an abundance of love in my life, both given and received, and I have been spared great grief up to this point. I have hurt with someone, but to feel the grief in the first person is an experience that defies words. Mix in with that grief a lingering love, and you have the recipe for one emotional hot mess. In actuality, we are doing...OK. We are not going to fall apart, we are not going to shatter, but we will never, ever be the same. This experience has changed us forever, and when I feel secure about the privacy of this blog, I will share more about that. We have loved deeply and lost greatly and now we grieve.
There is a verse in the Bible where Paul says we are "crushed but not destroyed". I know that verse and have taken great comfort from that verse in the past, but what I didn't realize until now is how very, very close "crushed" and "destroyed" can feel. There is really no emotional difference between those two words, except that the hope and truth of God's word tells me there is still space for Him to revive us.
We still laugh...sometimes. We know we will laugh a lot again. That is who God created our family to be. But I suspect there is a place in our hearts that will always carry the mark of this time in our life. The grief will lessen, but enough grief will probably remain to remind us of the great, great love we will always have for the daughter of our hearts.