Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Grief and Love

I have not quite figured out how to change the blog to a more private setting, so I am going to be pretty vague until I can do that.  I absolutely hate the thought of making people log in to read my blog, but I am afraid there aren't many other safe options at this point.  (And if anyone has some idea of how to best do that...can you leave me a comment with detailed, easy instructions????)

Grief and love are two of the strongest emotions a person can feel.  I am so fortunate - I have been blessed with an abundance of love in my life, both given and received, and I have been spared great grief up to this point.  I have hurt with someone, but to feel the grief in the first person is an experience that defies words.  Mix in with that grief a lingering love, and you have the recipe for one emotional hot mess.  In actuality, we are doing...OK.  We are not going to fall apart, we are not going to shatter, but we will never, ever be the same.  This experience has changed us forever, and when I feel secure about the privacy of this blog, I will share more about that.  We have loved deeply and lost greatly and now we grieve.

There is a verse in the Bible where Paul says we are "crushed but not destroyed".  I know that verse and have taken great comfort from that verse in the past, but what I didn't realize until now is how very, very close "crushed" and "destroyed" can feel.  There is really no emotional difference between those two words, except that the hope and truth of God's word tells me there is still space for Him to revive us.

We still laugh...sometimes.  We know we will laugh a lot again.  That is who God created our family to be.  But I suspect there is a place in our hearts that will always carry the mark of this time in our life.  The grief will lessen, but enough grief will probably remain to remind us of the great, great love we will always have for the daughter of our hearts.

8 comments:

FaerieMama said...

Anne, I think you know I have experienced a great deal of grief in my life...I have felt crushed to dust by grief, and yet, like you, I am still here. You are right, you will not be the same, but God is infinitely great and, I dont need to tell you, will be with you every step of the way as you grieve. If you need someone to vent to who has been there/done that, feel free to email me.

I'm praying for you, as my heart breaks for you.


Keri
KeriCahill34(at)gmail(dot)com.

And FYI, I could never find a way to make my blog private either, without tremendous work and headaches. I tried. They just make it nearly impossible. Just dont want you to waste time trying. Just share privately with those you love for now...in time you'll be able to post...you'll know when.

Carrigan Family said...

love you .......

Kat said...

It is beyond words to be able to express how my heart hurts for you. I am so thankful that your walk with our Heavenly Father is seeing you through this above all else. I guess maybe it's not a walk, but Him carrying you. I can see His love for you and your love for Him. He has blessings planned for you, but sometimes it takes coming out of the black clouds and the smoke to get there. Many many hugs and prayers as you go through this time.

Melody said...

Anne-

Praying, praying, praying for you

Amy said...

Anne, I'm so sorry. We are thinking and praying for you guys!!

I couldn't figure out the private blog thing either - had to do the login.

Renovation Girl said...

Ann, there is a way to require a password for just certain posts...so you could just require a password for a post where you discuss the most private of matters, but day to day things could still be public. I read someone who did hers that way (adoption issues as well...) so I'll email her and find out for you.

Renovation Girl said...

Okay, you can't do it in Blogger, but I'm pretty sure you can do it in Wordpress...maybe you could either have two blogs or move your blog to Wordpress? Let me know if you need help.

Anonymous said...

Hey Anne, I looked at Facebook and you can post a "note" and you can select which friends can read it. Not exactly what you are looking for, but it is an option.

Jessica