It's going fine...if you consider an embrace similar to a choke hold.
I admit - it's been a struggle. I went through a very brief (VERY brief!) phase when I toyed with dreads, but then I realized that I am a person who likes to have the ability to clean up a bit. Nothing against friends with dreads, but in the event I ever fall into a classy pants suit, I want my hair to go along for the ride. As an exercise to "love myself as I am" and all that blah, blah, blah I have spent the last several months trying to figure out how to accept - dare I dream, love? - my curls. It's a process, let me tell you.
On the one hand, I feel like my curls are me - not just because they are natural, but because I feel like they match my inside. (And there are days when I find that slightly offensive to myself as they fling about with wild abandon.) I really want to love my curly hair. I really want to be able to enjoy the green grass on the fence side of which I live. I want to want what I have. I want to be confident in what is authentic. I want to be fashionable.
But there are some days when I want to renew my vows with the flat iron.
Taking care of curly hair is a new way of life for me. There is a lot more moisturizing, a lot less sulfates, 100% cotton towels, all new products, and a complicated dance with a diffuser. I am still trying to figure out what works and what doesn't. I dream of the day when I have a simple routine that leads to classy curls and less frizz. It's the Holy Grail of hair care for me, and I am definitely not there yet.
I am also doing the great length debate. As much as I would love long luxurious hair, I usually end up looking tired and old once my hair hits my shoulders, but I am wondering if having curls would make any difference. I don't see how short and curly can marry into something I want on my head, and I find mid length hair indecisive. I usually grow it out, only to get frustrated and pull it up like a poligamy bride until I freak out and chop it all off into a sleek, cool, spunky short 'do I can live with again. Then I begin to resent the constant straightening I have to do multiple times a day. We end up back at square (or curl) one.
Of course, there are lots of far more important things in my life and in the world unto which I throw my energy and passion. But every once in awhile as I walk by a mirror on my way to save the whales or lead marches for world peace, I find myself wishing for less sticking out and more style. I don't let it consume me by any means, but it is an interesting phenomenon for me to wrestle with. Will I ever tame the beast? How long can I go - in length and in sanity? Will the day ever come when I can comfortably give the flat iron to Goodwill?
The process, the quest, the mystery continue.
|The short, straight spunky 'do I loved!|
|I love this style...if only I could French braid my own hair, |
I would feel fashionable!
|The beginning of the "poligamy pull back" style.|
|Just a regular day with the curls.|