Sunday, March 22, 2009

Frustrated!

I have been doing really well on this detox diet. I didn't slip up and take a crumb of the potato chips the boys had for snack today. I came home and made my organic chicken salad while the boys munched happily on their McDonalds. I didn't even have a birthday cupcake for myself on Friday.

And yet I feel frustrated.

I wouldn't ever have considered myself a chef by any stretch of the imagination, but my lack of creativity in the "detox diet" realm is downright startling. I can't tell you how many times I have made lemon pepper chicken breast and put it on a salad. It isn't that it doesn't taste good. I am just exhausted from trying to think of different ways to make the same foods taste...different. I am exhausted from thinking about what I have here in the house to eat the next time I feel hungry. I am exhausted staring down all those bottles of supplements that smell terrible and are as large as horse pills. I am exhausted trying to remind myself that this is all for the best.

I wonder how to plan a menu for company coming in this week. What that means (I guess!) is I plan two menus - one for everyone else and one for me. I wonder how I will do with this while I am on spring break vacation with the boys at an indoor water park, which conveniently has a Pizza Hut, but no Whole Foods. I wonder if my skin rash will ever go away. I wonder if I will ever eat out again.

I am just feeling the "detox diet blues" I guess. Dr. Holistic warned me about this, and he was right. For the first few days I had a headache, then body aches, and right now I am stuck in that slow processing, slow moving fatigue that he predicted. I am trying to remember that all of that is supposed to shortly be followed by more energy and feeling better. I'm hanging on by my fingernails. My head knows this is the right thing to do. My heart and stomach are on the fence today.

Don't get me wrong - I am by no means giving up. I think that this may all lead to an amazing lifestyle change for all of us here. But in the meantime, I am alone on this diet. It is restrictive enough I just can't bring myself to ask Mark to participate, and I am certainly not going to expect the boys to join in. But I hope can learn enough to make better choices for us all in the long run.

So here I am today, day five and a half (oh, that half counts!) and I am feeling frustrated. Just frustrated. I need a little encouragement and/or some recipe ideas. I need reassurance that this is the best plan for me. Most of all, I just need to do this. No matter how frustrated I get.

2 comments:

Carrigan Family said...

Oh Ann - I think the answer would be for you to be off in a cabin somewhere and only have to focus on yourself and "feast" on Jesus .... so much mental gymnasitics when you are the mom trying to do this AND fix food for everyone else .... I am so proud of you for taking this step .... I am believing you are going to be over this hump really soon!! Wish I had more to offer .....

Renovation Girl said...

It must be very difficult...even when I was on Weight Watchers (and that's NOTHING compared to what you are doing!), it was hard to feed the fam and feed myself. Have you tried searching out recipes online? I would imagine you are not the only one who is in the predicament...perhaps others have shared what they have done.

I wish I knew more about the ins and outs of this so I could find you some recipes. I have a great bean/corn dish that is yummy, but I'm not sure that's on your diet.

Keep up the great work!!! You can do this!!!!