Sorry for the long blogging pause. I would love to say it was due to a winning lottery ticket, the ensuing trip around the world, and organizing the end of hunger while in Africa, but nope. Just didn't have much to say.
I did however read several other blogs and one in particular really stuck in my craw. (If I have a craw. I didn't always pay attention in college biology. It was at 8 AM, what can I say?) It wasn't an offensive post by any means, but it was one that poked every so slightly at the shadowy parts of my heart and I have been trying to get comfortable again ever since. It's been a much slower transition back to spiritual status quo than I'd like.
Two specific thoughts tripped me up when I read the blog. The first was pointing out that people (Christians in particular) have so "bought into the American dream that we are willing to limit our future...". The writer was specifically talking about family size, and I spent some time thinking about that. (There is another post coming about our "family planning" decisions, but that probably needs to be its own blog and you all will have to brace yourself for TMI.) But I also felt convicted to apply the concept across the board in my life. And - ouch - I can see where I have been content to swap God's promises for the American dream. And was satisfied. Double ouch.
The other thought that really hit me where it hurts was when the writer talked about "moving beyond the western definition of comfort". Oh, he did not just go there! But he did. And so did God with me.
Let's face it, Mark and I aren't rich by any means, but my heavens we are comfortable. Sure, there are things we go without that we want, and yes I shop with coupons, and sometimes I have to adjust the family menu to better suit the family budget, but all in all - we're comfortable. We're comfortable financially, physically (well, not really but it could always be worse), and worst of all - spiritually. Spiritual comfort? Can't find that as a desirable attribute in the Bible anywhere. Not even in the Message version. And I've looked. Feverishly.
Then the horrible thought struck me - does the western comfort my family enjoys under mind our trust in God? Real trust in God? What do we really depend on Him for? What do we really spend time in prayer petitioning Him for? What daily decisions do we come to Him for guidance on? After all, we seem to doing pretty well "on our own".
I went to Mark after all this ran through my heart and mind and we had a real "come to Jesus" talk together about the life we are making with our children and for our God. We prayed and confessed and committed to regrouping. And I believe God will take us up on that.
But let me be clear, fellow bloggers - I have always had a policy of "no growth". Nobody likes growth. Especially when you are already comfortable. So let's not let this happen again. OK?