Every morning I wake up with a little ray of hope that this might be the morning I get another message from Inessa. Some days I am disappointed, and some days I open a message and just relish in the few words she puts together. I long to hear all about her days, how she is doing, what she is thinking about, what she dreams of for her life, if she thinks about us, but often times all I hear is silence. It is a strange kind of frustration, caring about her and at times physically aching to know how she is doing and what she is feeling, but just receiving a brief message or no message at all.
I understand that her life is going on in Latvia while we are separated. I know that as more days pass since we were able to see her, laugh with her, and live with her, the emotions of that family dynamic fade a bit. I realize that so much in her world has been turned upside down in the last three months. Yet I still long to hear from her, not even for my personal reassurance (although that would be a nice side benefit!), but because I care for her. I am interested and invested in her, even though I know in my heart of hearts that there is a great emotional risk inherent in our situation.
As I have mulled all this over throughout the last few "silent" days, I have had a stunning realization that, on some levels, God may wish to hear from me in the same way I wish to hear from Inessa. The last message I sent Inessa was a long letter, sharing all of the details about our life recently and how we are feeling, and in return...quiet. How often do I do that with God? God is pouring out His heart to me through my Bible study on the book of Matthew, and yet I haven't taken the time to really sit down and spend time replying to Him.
I don't believe that God has a need for my reply, any more than I believe He has a need for me to "do" anything for Him. He is God, regardless of anything I feebly bring to the table. But He is a God of relationship, and because I know He loves me, I believe He would love for me to reply to Him about my day, what I am doing, what I am thinking about, and what I dream of for my life. All those intimate thoughts I long to hear from Inessa, He longs to hear from me.
Today I am going to find a quiet corner and a few moments to hit the "reply" button to God.
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