Praise Jehovah-Rapha!

The most amazing thing happened last night and I want to share it with you.  You may read this and think I am crazy, but I am going to share this anyway.  

I went running.  For the first time in over 18 months.  It felt great!  And my heart has been blessed beyond measure because of it.

You probably know that I was a runner before I got sick.  It wasn't fast and it wasn't pretty, but it was my thing.  My runs were my time to really lay it all out with God - it is nearly impossible to be less than authentic while wearing clothes with partial spandex and sweat dripping down a face that has absolutely no make up on.  When I was running, there was no extra energy for distraction.  It was me, my thoughts, and God and His thoughts.  I was at my most spiritually vulnerable while I was running.  Being able to run changed the way I felt about myself.  Every run changed me for the better.

I know how ridiculous it may sound, but losing my ability to run was a crushing part of being sick this last year and a half.   I cringe even as I read that, because it sounds so selfish and superficial.  But if you are a runner, you probably know that intangible blessing of a run.  While I have gained a lot of my health back, I haven't been even close to trying a run.  I had almost lost hope.

I have been reading an interesting book called "The Beginners Guide to Intercession".  The very first chapter deeply resonated with me.  Everything starts with a love relationship with God, whether we're talking about prayer or service or evangelism.  Nothing is important outside of a true, intimate relationship with God.  In Revelation one church is admonished, not because of a lack of good works, but because they had lost their first love.  

Now I know that God loves me and I know that I love Him.  He and I have had some really powerful moments together over the years.  But as I read this book I realized I was longing for time to love God and to be loved by God without the almost instantaneous response of "doing".  I asked God for time where we could just focus on each other - not on my response to His love as much as the beauty of His love.  I wanted time to soak in God's love and to spend time just loving Him.

I had no idea how beautifully God would answer my prayer.

Yesterday I felt really good - really, really good.  I didn't have to lay down (which is the first time in as long as I can remember).  I didn't feel short of breath going up our stairs.  I was on my feet for awhile, and it didn't make me dizzy.  Last night I took Marshall for a walk, and we kept such a fast pace that I suddenly knew I was supposed to go for a run.  As soon as we got home I dug out my old running clothes and grabbed my iPod before I began to doubt and lost my nerve.

Now it was only a mile and a half, but it was the sweetest 13 minutes God and I have had together in so long.  All I could do was run and sing to Him.  And while it sounds strange, I know without a doubt that He was delighting in me.  The ability to run that mile and a half was a love letter from God in a language He knew would speak right to the bottom of my heart.  I was reminded of how intimately He knows me, and how very, very much He wants to shower His love on me.

I am not sure if I am going to be able to run today or later this week, or ever again for that matter.  I am not sure it makes any difference.  God gave me last night, and it was loving and intimate beyond explanation.  So if you were driving through my neighborhood last night around 5:30 and saw a women running (albeit slowly), laughing out loud, with my hands raised up to heaven (I lost all my Swedish Lutheran inhibitions in those moments!), that was me.  I was loving God and rejoicing in His love for me.