It has been a rough week and a half since my last post that has included a hospital stay, tests of all kinds (my arm is still green and purple from where they drained what looked like quarts and quarts of blood!), and more drs copays than my sweet husband, Creaky Wallet, cares to count. I haven't blogged much at all because I have been so tired, and also because I really don't want to blog about feeling sick. I don't know if it is because I don't want to be a whiner or because I really don't want to have a permanent record of what I am actually thinking at times during all this!
It is amazing though the things I am learning even in the midst of all the frustration and weariness I feel. I know I have said it before, but my life right now looks nothing like my life did three months ago. Three months ago I was training for a 5K (and considering training for a half marathon in Dec), I was involved in lots of social activities from Bible Studies to Bunco to just hanging out with friends at the park nearby, and I kept up fairly well with my two energetic boys, if I do say so myself. These days I can't drive myself or the boys anywhere, I spend about half of my day in bed (on a good day), and walking up to the playroom leaves me winded. While it is baffling from a medical standpoint, it is downright heart breaking emotionally at times. For whatever reason though, I feel like God has given me peace (Is it peace or denial? We'll say peace because it sounds more spiritual!) that I will recover and get back to all the things I used to do. In the meanwhile, I think He is schooling me in something.
Let's face it. As I blog about my life three months ago, even I have to admit it doesn't sound...exciting. Important. Exceptional in any way. Trips to the Y, to the grocery store, replacing worn out shoes at Payless' BOGO sale (all those years of shoe shopping I did in my 20s I now refer to as "research".) - I can see clearly that in most ways I have become that stereotypical SAHM I always slightly disliked. Why did I dislike her? Because she was...boring. And ordinary. And being boring and ordinary didn't seem to bother her like I thought it should.
I just wanted to grab those boring and ordinary women by the shoulders and scream at them to snap out of it and do something fabulous - do anything besides seem mostly content in their bubble of normalcy! I always wondered who could live a long life being just plain ordinary and feel good about that life in the end?
My connect group leader's grandmother is in her final days (probably hours at this point) on this earth. I have never met Miss Kate, but as her health has deteriorated, Kevin and his wife Tiff (posse member) have shared with our class what kinds of things Miss Kate has been doing in her 97 years of life on earth. I don't recall them telling us she cured cancer or brokered a mid-East peace accord, but they do tell that she still volunteers at Bible School. Kevin shared that she is a spiritual giant in his life. Now Kevin teaches a class of nearly 80 of us, and I am going to guess that the example of Miss Kate's faith day in and day out for the last 97 years is somehow impacting each of as we sit in class together. Miss Kate has had what I would guess is an ordinary life. I'm going to go out on a limb and say she probably isn't tattooed or pierced anywhere either. But what a beautiful life she has had! I bet those saints can't wait to throw open the doors of heaven and welcome this ordinary woman into her extraordinary eternal home!
In not being able to really live my normal, ordinary life the last few months, I am finally getting it. An extraordinary life has nothing to do with circumstance, and an ordinary life is full of opportunity for greatness. Like I said, God really has given me peace that life will return to "normal" someday for me, and I actually find myself daydreaming about taking the boys swimming at the Y and teaching our little 2 year old class at church. Just the ordinary stuff. Don't get me wrong - I am not taking the nose piercing out (after all, I like jewelry too much) and I may still get some more tattoos someday, but in the meanwhile I can't wait to get back to my SAHM bubble of contentment. It is actually real. It is what it looks like when you live a beautiful ordinary life.
It is amazing though the things I am learning even in the midst of all the frustration and weariness I feel. I know I have said it before, but my life right now looks nothing like my life did three months ago. Three months ago I was training for a 5K (and considering training for a half marathon in Dec), I was involved in lots of social activities from Bible Studies to Bunco to just hanging out with friends at the park nearby, and I kept up fairly well with my two energetic boys, if I do say so myself. These days I can't drive myself or the boys anywhere, I spend about half of my day in bed (on a good day), and walking up to the playroom leaves me winded. While it is baffling from a medical standpoint, it is downright heart breaking emotionally at times. For whatever reason though, I feel like God has given me peace (Is it peace or denial? We'll say peace because it sounds more spiritual!) that I will recover and get back to all the things I used to do. In the meanwhile, I think He is schooling me in something.
Let's face it. As I blog about my life three months ago, even I have to admit it doesn't sound...exciting. Important. Exceptional in any way. Trips to the Y, to the grocery store, replacing worn out shoes at Payless' BOGO sale (all those years of shoe shopping I did in my 20s I now refer to as "research".) - I can see clearly that in most ways I have become that stereotypical SAHM I always slightly disliked. Why did I dislike her? Because she was...boring. And ordinary. And being boring and ordinary didn't seem to bother her like I thought it should.
I just wanted to grab those boring and ordinary women by the shoulders and scream at them to snap out of it and do something fabulous - do anything besides seem mostly content in their bubble of normalcy! I always wondered who could live a long life being just plain ordinary and feel good about that life in the end?
My connect group leader's grandmother is in her final days (probably hours at this point) on this earth. I have never met Miss Kate, but as her health has deteriorated, Kevin and his wife Tiff (posse member) have shared with our class what kinds of things Miss Kate has been doing in her 97 years of life on earth. I don't recall them telling us she cured cancer or brokered a mid-East peace accord, but they do tell that she still volunteers at Bible School. Kevin shared that she is a spiritual giant in his life. Now Kevin teaches a class of nearly 80 of us, and I am going to guess that the example of Miss Kate's faith day in and day out for the last 97 years is somehow impacting each of as we sit in class together. Miss Kate has had what I would guess is an ordinary life. I'm going to go out on a limb and say she probably isn't tattooed or pierced anywhere either. But what a beautiful life she has had! I bet those saints can't wait to throw open the doors of heaven and welcome this ordinary woman into her extraordinary eternal home!
In not being able to really live my normal, ordinary life the last few months, I am finally getting it. An extraordinary life has nothing to do with circumstance, and an ordinary life is full of opportunity for greatness. Like I said, God really has given me peace that life will return to "normal" someday for me, and I actually find myself daydreaming about taking the boys swimming at the Y and teaching our little 2 year old class at church. Just the ordinary stuff. Don't get me wrong - I am not taking the nose piercing out (after all, I like jewelry too much) and I may still get some more tattoos someday, but in the meanwhile I can't wait to get back to my SAHM bubble of contentment. It is actually real. It is what it looks like when you live a beautiful ordinary life.
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Love,
Angela